gratulerer med dagen

October never been this special in past sixteen years of my life. Or should I say, before I met you.

***

As a person who believed in Myer Briggs personality type instead of zodiac, I didn't believe what my sign said in first week of April.

"Asmara : You will meet the love of your life!"

I laughed as I read that part. (Wait why did I read that thing though?) Why would I meet the love of my life when I have met one? At least that's what I thought with my ex's face crossed in my mind. You know, this conservative girl didn't even understand what does 'love of her life' means.

You have new message.

What's gotten into whoever lined me? I just stared stupidly to my phone screen until I decided that I had to read that message because someone could be dying wanted a reply.

'Biy, laporan dong.'

Dude, what? Who's Akbar K.H though? Did I know him?

'laporan apa?' I replied

True, right? Why would someone I didn't know before lined me and asked about a freaking report?

'Seksi acara...'

HELL! I freaking forgot that I had a responsibility to a certain event. To be precisely, quite big school event.

'syit gue lupa, maaf ya nanti nanti deh'

I spent my time daydreaming, my chin at the palm of my hand, head floating in the clouds that I forgot I had a responsibility. A big one too. Now I felt anxiety and guilt toward this Akbar K.H (he was the chief of this event).

At least that's what I remembered as the most bizarre way to get to know someone.

***

'Boi hp gue ketinggalan di grab.'

Salah kirim. I was about to send that to Golda and not to him. But too late. Now he knew. Six months passed since that weirdest April I've known. And he is always on the top of my chat list.

"Yea, I know. Terus jadi gimana? :("

I couldn't even think about how did he knew and my thoughts are as messy as my face. Oily after a full-day symposium and wet with tears run still through my face. I lost my phone. And yes, maybe they all thought I'm a heartless bitch who doesn't have any special feeling toward everything. But bad news is I'm not. I was crying in a very emotional way because I lost my phone, a freaking phone I bought with my own money.

He suprisingly called me (I used my dad's phone to contact everyone I think I need to contact). I answered immediately no matter how husk my voice was.

xxx-xxx-xxx

Man. He gave me the call-center number of the transport corporation I lost my phone at. (Though it was failed because what I got is nomor tidak terdaftar. Fuck that.) But, still. I didn't know that someone could care about me this much.

And it didn't stop there. There were more kindness he gave me after that and I can't say it here but you have to know that because of him I can publish this shitty-writing-but-contain-special-thing post.

"tidur biy besok kan lo 16 :(" He texted as he sent a sticker. Hugging sticker.

He remembered. My birthday.

At that time, I knew someone had pulled me up from overboard.

For my own birthday reminder.

For some questions.

For a hug.

In my most desperate time.

***

Happy birthday, my 11 days younger but a lot bigger mega bestfriend! Congratulation for passing sixteen years in this meaningless world.

Shit dude, I know you. You must be thinking this post is cheesy and makes you cringe. I bet you're thinking how-could-this-insensitive-and-heartless-bitch-make-something-super-mega-ultra-sentimental-like-this? 

Bar, let me tell you a fact you might forget (or you don't even know at all) : Jundi has a heart. Bye.

But, seriously, Akbar. I know you. Things you believe and you don't. I know you too much that I think I can blackmail you.

Here I make a list. Things you don’t believe in: the concept of monogamous relationship, organized religion, life has a meaning and I know things you believe as well: human beings are generally idiots, you yourself is awesome, well… genuine affection from your best friends.

And no matter how many times you say you hate someone but in fact it’s just your self-defense mechanism. You might say you’re a strong and grown man, but I know how much your soul is driven. You might say you don’t believe in a monogamous relationship, but I know all that you want is someone assuring you that you’re something that’s always worth fighting for. You might say that life is meaningless, but in fact, you’re just giving too much meaning for something that is not worth any.

I really hope someday you can make yourself home. There are too much demons living inside us, we always seek for shelter inside someone else. (Yes, even if I look like and I always assure you that I'm an independent woman and capable of handling things by herself and standing on her own feet–I’m not. At least, not yet.) I hope someday, we can learn a way of building ourselves home. And live happily in it.

I think you already know that we both are broken persons. Sometimes there’s nothing left to empower each other. But, I hope you know this: I’m more than ready for your hysterical session. Or just talks, either the deep or small ones. Or jokes. Or even throwing a tantrum. Or whatever it is you demanded from a best friend.

I care. Perhaps it’s not in a way you expect or need. I know I’m so weird and the freakiest of us I suddenly say things like kalo-putin-jadi-presiden-dunia-yang-jadi-wakilnya-pak-owi. But, note this: I will always (try to) catch you up. You can trust me, I’m a woman of her own words.

Lastly... I want to sincerely thank you again, Akbar. Thank you for keep me sane. Thank you for handling me when I, out of nowhere, called you and cried like a baby. Thank you for understanding my emotional dependence. Thank you for being one of my support systems. Thank you for berkata kasar and being judgmental to me (lol) because I know that’s the way you show how much you care. Alah.

Happy birthday, My Tupperware. (Yang memang mirip tupperware. Sering hilang.)

This is very cheesy I feel like I want to disappear, but... I love you. (As if I never had friend before :( )

For real for sure, in the most homosexual way possible :p

p.s Grow up you lil shit, don't be an asshole.

***

Big thanks to Sarah Kay, this letter is much inspired by her works.